Life With A Hearing Loss

In my prior post, “How NOT to Startle a Hard of Hearing Person,” I inadvertently left out a real gem of a tip. Therefore, in addition to the 4 tips I listed on that post, I would like to add one more:

5. One of the most effective ways to get the attention of someone who is hearing impaired without startling them is to flip the light switch on and off.

My family particularly uses this approach to get my attention when I am on another level of the house then they are. If I am upstairs and they are downstairs, flipping the hallway switch on and off is an excellent way to get my attention. But it also works well when trying to alert someone who’s in the same room as you to your presence.

Just don’t be annoying about it. Flip the switch on, wait a second or two, then switch it off. Repeat as needed.

I was once told that the politically correct way of referring to a person with a hearing loss is to say they are “hard of hearing.” To say that a person is “hearing impaired,” however, was interpreted as derogatory. I really don’t even remember who first told me that, but it’s something I have heard numerous times over the years and I’ve always been somewhat puzzled by it.

As a hard of hearing person myself, I can’t say that I’m bothered when people refer to me as hearing impaired. Hard of hearing, hearing impaired, and even deaf all are accurate definitions of my hearing loss, in my opinion.

When I take my hearing aids out, I am pretty much deaf. The world becomes silent. I can’t hear voices, the telephone, or the vacuum. I can hear the dog bark if he’s in the same room with me, and an occasional loud thump, but that’s about it.

With my hearing aids on, I can hear voices and follow conversation so long as I can see the faces of the people conversing (I rely on reading lips to an extent). I can hear the telephone ring and the clicking of a keyboard. Sometimes I can even hear my cat meow. But I don’t hear these sounds the way normal hearing people do. Hearing aids don’t correct a hearing loss the way that glasses or contacts correct vision. So even with my hearing aids on I am still hard of hearing or hearing impaired.

I believe that some people feel the label “impaired” implies that something is wrong or abnormal with a person. Well, the truth is that something IS wrong with me. I can’t hear very well. My ears don’t work properly. However, I strongly feel that any kind of disability or impairment does NOT make anyone any less of a person. And I believe that disabled/impaired people should have equal access to the same things “normal” people have access to.

So call me hard of hearing, hearing impaired or deaf. I’m completely comfortable with any of those labels and I feel they are all appropriate descriptions of who I am.

Friday night, I was hard at work in my kitchen, preparing a dish of lasagna to serve over the weekend. While I stood at the stove gently stirring a pan of simmering sauce, a family member came up behind me and tapped my shoulder. I jumped - startled - and a spoonful of lasagna sauce flew through the air in multiple directions, splattering the stove top and the polar white kitchen walls.

Last I had noticed, this person had parked himself in the living room in front of the TV and was deeply engrossed in the news. He scared me, because I never heard him come into the kitchen.

Approaching a hard of hearing person from behind without startling them can be a tricky task! I thought I would share a few helpful tips I have on how NOT to startle a hard of hearing person:

1. If you need to approach from behind, try to walk a little heavier than you normally do without actually stomping. Many hard of hearing people are very sensitive to vibrations and movement.
2. Depending on the hard of hearing person’s degree of hearing loss, it may help to make a bit of noise as you approach. Try clearing your throat, tapping your toes, or rustling papers.
3. If at all possible, try to approach from the side so they can catch your movement in the corner of their eye. Waving or gesturing to get their attention is perfectly acceptable.
4. Don’t touch hard of hearing people or speak to them until you’re certain they have seen you and are aware of your presence.

Hard of hearing people will certainly appreciate the efforts you make to get their attention so they won’t be startled when you approach. I know I will!

By the way, the lasagna was a hit. But those white walls…they’ve got to go. It looks like I’ll be busy painting this summer.

Some years ago, I came across this fictional story of a deaf frog and found it inspiring. I’ve discovered that what this story illustrates has been true in my own life. There are situations when it is actually an advantage not to hear, whether physically or mentally, and this story touches on one of them. Enjoy…and be inspired!

The Frog Story
Author Unknown

A group of frogs were hopping contentedly through the woods, going about their froggy business, when two of them fell into a deep pit. The other frogs gathered around the pit to see what could be done to help their companions. When they saw how deep the pit was, the rest of the dismayed group agreed that it was hopeless and told the two unfortunate frogs in the pit that they should prepare themselves for their fate, because they were as good as dead.

Unwilling to accept this terrible fate, the two frogs tried with all of their might to jump out of the pit. The other frogs shouted into the pit that it was hopeless, and that they wouldn’t be in that situation if they had been more careful, more obedient to the froggy rules, and more responsible. They continued shouting that they should save their energy and give up, since they were already as good as dead.

But the two frogs continued jumping as hard as they could and became quite weary. Finally, one of the frogs took heed to the calls of his fellows. Spent and disheartened, he quietly resolved himself to his fate, lay down at the bottom of the pit, and died as the others looked on in helpless grief.

The other frog continued to jump with every ounce of energy he had, although his body was wracked with pain and he was completely exhausted. Once again, the crowd of frogs started yelling for him to accept his fate, stop the pain and just die. The weary frog jumped harder and harder and—wonder of wonders—finally leapt so high that he sprang from the pit. Amazed, the other frogs celebrated his miraculous freedom and then, gathering around him asked, “Why did you continue jumping when we told you it was impossible?”

Reading their lips, the astonished frog explained to them that he was deaf, and that when he saw their gestures and shouting, he thought they were cheering him on. What he had perceived as encouragement inspired him to try harder and to succeed against all odds.

The moral of the story: Turn a deaf ear to people who discourage you. With hard work and a positive attitude, you can do almost anything you set your mind to and overcome any situation, no matter how hopeless it may seem. You CAN do it!

Have you ever had someone try to make a personal choice for you? I have. And I’m betting that you have, too. I think it’s a situation that almost everyone can relate to one way or another. Often times, the person means well and truly has your best interests at heart. However, there are times in which you, and only you, can make the right choice for your situation.

I think this is especially true when it comes to choosing the appropriate services and/or assistive hearing devices for a hearing loss. Every hearing loss is unique and every person is different. What works for one person may not work for another and vice versa. There simply is no “one-size-fits-all” solution to hearing loss.

My 16-year old son, Cody, has a severe to profound hearing loss, which means he hears very little without the amplification of his hearing aids. Throughout grade school and middle school, he used both an FM system and a sign language interpreter. (An FM system is a wireless setup in which the teacher wears a microphone and the receivers clip onto the student’s hearing aids. This allows the teacher’s voice to be transmitted directly into the student’s ears through their hearing aids).

As Cody transitioned from middle school to high school, he chose to eliminate the use of the FM system and rely on interpreters. This did not go over well with a certain individual in the school district. She was very upset about it. She strongly lectured Cody and came just short of demanding that he use the FM system. And while I believe she had good intentions, I also believe that Cody had the maturity to choose not to use the system based on what he knows works and doesn’t work for him.

One of Cody’s continuing educational goals has been to make an effort to advocate for himself and not solely rely on other people (Mom, teachers, interpreters) to advocate for him. I think we often view advocating as doing things such as choosing an appropriate seating arrangement, asking to have things repeated/clarified when needed, requesting captioning for videos, etc. However, I think advocating can, and should, include choosing or eliminating services so long as the choice is made for the right reasons.

Let’s say that Cody did not want to wear the FM system because it was a hassle for him or he was embarrassed by it. If that were true, it would not have been appropriate for Cody to chose not to use it and the other party’s concerns would have been justified. However, that was not the case. Cody chose interpretation as his service of choice mainly because it is easier for him to see rather than to hear. Seeing, for Cody, is basically effortless. Hearing, however, is not. Let me explain.

When Cody views sign language, his understanding and comprehension of it is immediate. The only effort it takes on his part is to pay attention to the interpreter. Hearing, however, takes a great deal of effort and concentration for Cody, even when aided by amplification (hearing aids, FM system, etc.) It can be extremely stressful and draining, especially in the school environment where everything is noisy and fast-paced.

But that’s not the only reason Cody chose interpretation over the FM system. With the FM system, Cody could only hear what the teacher said. When a student in the classroom asked a question or gave an answer, Cody would completely miss out on that verbal exchange unless the teacher repeated what was said (unfortunately, teachers don’t usually remember to do so). An interpreter, however, will sign the entire exchange. Therefore, with interpretation, Cody doesn’t miss out on as much and no longer feels isolated like he did with the FM system.

I am in no way trying to make a case for using an interpreter over an FM system. I believe the FM system is an exceptional tool that can greatly benefit hard of hearing people. Personally, if it were me in Cody’s situation, I would have chosen the FM system over the interpreter because I don’t know sign language well enough to follow an interpreter. Although my hearing loss is similar to Cody’s, my needs are different.

My purpose in this post is to recognize that every person is different and every hearing loss is unique. My goal is to try to bring unity and understanding between hard of hearing people and hearing people. I believe if we all work towards seeking understanding, respecting each other, and communicating effectively, we will make huge strides towards achieving that goal.